Author Topic:  The pretty lies, the ugly truth [Rin]  (Read 129 times)

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Offline Akiyama Ren

  • i don't want to throw anyone under the bus here unless they are my enemy or betrayer or if it will help me get where i'm going faster
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The pretty lies, the ugly truth [Rin]
« on: September 02, 2017, 11:10:30 PM »
It had been a long summer, but the summer was over and things were slowly getting back to normal—except he still didn't feel normal. Over the summer, the floodgates had opened and Ren had shown so much of his true self that he was unsure the correct way to put himself back into the box. He didn't fit in it the way he once had, and it worried him. He was smiling more and feeling more and all-around acting unlike himself. He should have known how dangerous it would be to take off his mask, even for a moment. Everything felt constricting, here. He missed openly saying dirty things to Jimin. He missed the intoxication. To think, Ren had initially balked at the idea of the summer academy. He had wanted to stay home and intern at Ryou's record label. He would have missed out on a whole world of fun.

Fun, of course, that came at a price. Ren had been so distracted by himself, his new sense of freedom, and his lack of self-control, that he had barely noticed that his cousin Yoshi had been suffering alone for most of the time there. Yoshi didn't make new friends. He didn't have fun experiences. He just sulked, sad and alone, ignoring Natsuo. Ren thought that they could have done that together—well, for the most part. Natsuo, wasn't that the most interesting change? Ren had once hated the boy with a passion. He had written himself a list of ways to avoid interaction with him all together, rules for interacting with him. It hadn't been a gradual change, either. It had been just as sudden as being struck, and that feeling had a name... desperation. Ren was desperate to recruit Natsuo into his band, after hearing Natsuo's gravel-and-honey voice for the first time. He knew that was the voice he had been searching for, waiting for, for his whole life. It had been under his nose the whole time, and Ren had never felt so blind.

This changed everything, of course. How could he hate and avoid someone that he needed. It hadn't taken long for him to come around the the idea. He had offered it mere seconds after hearing him. There were just some moments where the stars aligned and everything felt perfect. That was how it had felt hearing Natsuo sing, and even though the initial shock had began to fade, Ren still knew he made the right decision. He was growing more confident in it by the day. Natsuo had shown himself to be a  dedicated person, though—more thoughtful and creative than Ren had ever given him credit for,. He wrote like a genius, the way Ren had always knew he was. He was such a quick thinker, so eloquent. He had once written, much earlier, that Natsuo might write for him in another life. It was strange how quickly things changed.

They had a fantastic music session the previous weekend. They had spent four hours together and hadn't fought even once. They had been all smiles, like they were in the old days. That could have been part of why he was smiling so much. He felt so much younger, suddenly, despite the fact that he was older than he'd ever been. Things with him and Natsuo felt so natural, that he had even began feeling... strange. Tingly. He thought back to what had nearly happened with him at camp, and he knew exactly what it was that he was feeling, but he absolutely could not be feeling that. Natsuo had been the bane of his existence for so long, but Ren had to admit that he'd been obsessed with the Kitsunebi over the last term. He always knew where Natsuo was (even if his excuse was that he was avoiding him). He knew every mark on his face. He knew the way his hair lay. He could recognize his handwriting and the sound of his voice across the room. Every diary entry mentioned him in some way.   Ren was starting to realize that these were all signs, but he just wasn't ready for the conclusion that this led to. He wasn't ready to face the music.

This was for a few reasons. The most obvious reason was that Natsuo was Yoshi's ex, and that would be awful. He didn't know if he could go for Natsuo in good conscience, knowing that it would hurt Yoshi so much. He also didn't date people he went to school with. He didn't even sleep with guys he went to school with. He couldn't afford to have it get out and around school what he was, the kind of people he was interested. He would be publicly shamed, and so would his girlfriend. Rin had been perfect for him, really, and he wouldn't see her name besmirched because he couldn't keep it in his pants. A few nights out at summer school was one thing—he would never see those people again and Rin had not been present—but an affair under her nose just felt wrong. That was if Natsuo even felt for him, which Ren was certain he didn't. Natsuo would date anyone, so the fact that they nearly kissed meant almost nothing. Natsuo would almost kiss anyone who was willing. Ren couldn't let himself get sucked in by his charming smile and genius talent and gorgeous singing voice. He couldn't let himself get suckered into giving up his heart when he knew what Natsuo did to the people he dated. He hurt them, just like Yoshi. He used them. Ren needed to be stronger than that.

All this said, Ren worried a little that his secret might be spilled, even if he didn't end up dating Natsuo. Rin's twin sister, Yuki, had confronted Ren at the end of the year before about his feelings for Natsuo. Though at the time Ren thought this was absolutely ridiculous, he now understood where she was coming from. Yuki had said that she heard about Ren's devious sexuality from Rin, and that put Ren on his toes. He was almost certain that Rin knew about him. They had been 'dating' for two years and had never done more than hold hands in public. They never kissed, they never tried to. He rarely flirted with her in any capacity other than playful teasing. He danced with her at school functions and showed her off like anyone would.  He tried to be a good boyfriend, mostly. He was quite attentive to her, often seeking her out and bringing her little presents whenever he could. He wanted her to feel secure, especially after last year.

Still, it bothered him to think that Rin was telling his secrets. What good would that do her, anyway? Of course Yuki was Rin's twin and their bond was special, but he still didn't understand why she would try to wreck something that she still benefited from.

He knew it wasn't fair to date her forever. He was really stopping her from dating someone that she really wanted to date, but he assumed that if she was truly interested in someone else that she would tell him and they would end the game. Even knowing that it wasn't fair, she served and important purpose and he was loath to give it up. He worried that she was finished with him now that she was a first rank on her own. Of course, now that he was tengu maybe she would still want him around. He wasn't sure.

He wasn't sure if he believed Yuki or not, but it worried him anyway. He couldn't let even one girl's rambling get around the school, or else he might be outed and shamed and Rin would be caught in the cross-fires. He needed to talk to her and see if she really spoke to her. Maybe it was time he came clean to Rin. They had a delicate sort of don't-ask-don't-tell that Ren appreciated, but it had been two years. Maybe she'd stop him and just say 'I know.'

He had grabbed bento boxes from the kitchens and brought them out to the lawn, looking for a nice place for them to sit. He had a gift for her in his pocket, and he was excited to see her reaction. It wasn't much, but it was the thought that counted—right?

“Why don't we sit here?” He pointed to a sunny spot in the middle of the grounds. He conjured up a blanket for them to sit on and gave her a shy smile.

@Sakamoto Rin
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